The forbidden word: Co-Parenting.

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Co-parenting

Co-parenting

Co-parenting

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This word use to make my heart hurt a little just because I never wanted to be a co-parent. I always imagined living in my 4-bedroom house, on a farm, with my farmer husband and 2 kids … remember when I said God’s plans are SO MUCH greater than mine – well now I want 5 kids so there goes my imaginary life. Anyway, I thought co-parenting was always messy and filled with crying while you carted your kids from one house to another. I also feel like this topic is so taboo because people are so afraid to be open about divorce or break-ups or even just accidental pregnancies. I fall under two of those categories and I want to openly talk about what it’s like to have Parker’s dad around as her baby daddy but not as my better half.

At first, this was a rocky road. I was angry, frustrated, exhausted, and honestly didn’t have the time to sit down and process the fact that I was going to be a single mom. The first 3 months were TERRIBLE. TERRRRRRRRRIBLE. I loved this little baby but holy cow could she please sleep longer than 2 hour increments so I could function… LOL, no, absolutely not, because then motherhood would be easy. After about 3 months, I got lucky, my little one started sleeping through the night and we began to figure each other out. I became totally focused on bettering myself for HER. I forgot about all my problems with baby daddy, all the depression I went through, all the people gossiping about how irresponsible I was because I didn’t have that “picture perfect” life. All I was worried about was my baby and being the best mom I could be for her. With that came an understanding of how I wanted Parker’s father to be in my life and in hers.

In order for Parker to have the best life she can, she needs her daddy. I’m not knocking anyone who grew up without a father because there are plenty of strong women out there that had no father figure growing up. What I’m getting at is, if that baby’s dad wants to be a part of his child’s life but not yours, don’t be bitter, still let him see his baby. It is not that baby’s fault that their mommy and daddy couldn’t work things out in order to be happy but that doesn’t mean you take that happiness away from your kid. That is a TOUGH pill to swallow but once you do, you will feel SO much better.

Parker's first Falcons game!

The key to having a family with happy co-parents is to be open and honest with one another. You literally have to sit down and discuss what you want your child’s future to look like and what you expect from one another when one of us isn’t around. For example, God love Parker’s daddy, but do you think he knew that a 4-month-old couldn’t have peanut butter… no, of course not. So, you could imagine how uneasy I was leaving her with him in the beginning but each week it got easier and easier. Mostly because mama needed her alone time but also because her daddy started to grow this connection with her more and more each time it was his weekend. Mama's just instantly have this special bond with their child but I believe it takes dad's a little more time to grow their bond and that is totally O.K. Seeing them develop their own type of relationship made my heart grow a little bigger. Parker's connection with her daddy is something special and I couldn't imagine her not having it. He has changed because of her and it is so awesome to see when I step back and watch them interact. Now that she’s getting older and growing this big, sassy personality, it is VERY easy to leave her with her daddy for the weekend. Love her, but she’s a handful.

Parker's first Braves game!

Mine and Parker’s dad’s relationship is very unique. I mean he was my absolute best friend for 5ish years so trying to be this tough person who didn’t need him was a hard act to keep up. We talk just about every single day and some days it’s not only about Parker. Some days, I just need to cry or complain and he listens because he is one of the only people that really gets it. I have plenty of girl friends I can go to but none of those girls have babies or were forced to grow up in such little time so some things I just can’t confide in them. Now, don't get me wrong, Parker's father and I don't agree on every single thing. We fight still, we yell at each other, we argue, we cry, we have hardships still BUT the difference is, we don't let Parker hear us or see us disagreeing. We also end the conversation if it gets too ugly and readdress it at a later point after we've taken time to see the other person's perspective (this is something I would suggest you try in your every day lives people!). Step back and see the situation from every angle and then p r a y if it's really weighing on you.

Now, to address the unspoken… what happens when I get a new boyfriend or God FORBID he gets a new girlfriend? ;akfjldskjflkdjsflkjdlfkjdkjfdk … that’s the first thing that comes to mind. But, the second thing that comes to mind is, who cares what his mama thinks about his new girl, the only opinion that matters now is mine. That is a very arrogant, bold statement but I stand by it. And vise versa, Parker’s father has to approve of my new boyfriend as well. Whoever we decide to bring into our lives next is going to help raise Parker so whoever that may be has some high standards to reach. I want his future wife to bring out the absolute best person in him so that he can be the absolute best dad to Parker. There is no set time on when the right time is to introduce that new person to your daughter but we both have to respect one another especially with such a sensitive subject. Neither of us are dating anyone just yet so my feelings could completely change when that day comes but you know I’ll keep you guys updated!

All in all, we have a really awesome relationship. It took time but building a relationship outside of dating is easier when we continually remind ourselves that this is all for Parker. I also know that Parker will grow up and ONLY see how well me and her daddy get along and not all the fighting and yelling that we had to go through to get to this point.

Check back next week to read about how I raise a baby AND keep up a social life!

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