Let's chat about being single.

I went through a really bad break up. Like really, really bad. I've glazed over it a little in my previous blogs but now I'm going to open up with you guys and share how it broke me. I thought I had been through some pretty hard times in my life leading up to this break up but nothing really physically made my heart ache like it did when he left. I was sitting there, hadn't showered in weeks, stitches still holding together my lady parts, old smelly bottles by my bed, and a 2 week old in my arms and he walked away. But, I bet you guys are surprised to hear that, I let him.

There is not one person to blame in this situation. Our past should have been a huge red flag to see what was coming. A baby is the most amazing gift God could give us but a baby does not fix everything. For a few days, I let it totally consume me. My heart was hurting, my body was hurting, and I was emotionally exhausted. Then, came the day when I looked in the mirror and decided it was time to get my $hit together. Because...

1. Take a flipping shower Madison, you are disgusting.

2. I had a human being who needed me to get it together for her.

3. I am a strong, independent woman if my mama ever taught me anything.

That was the day I began to better myself for myself.

When you are in a relationship, you are focused on bettering yourself for that other person but I fully believe that if you are still trying to find the best you in you while dating someone, you weren't ready to date them in the first place. It takes time to find yourself and you can't focus on that if 50% of your time goes to focusing on a boyfriend. Now, a lot of people are totally capable of doing this, but I'm here to honestly say that I cannot. I can't promise to give another person the best of me when I don't even know what the best of me looks like.

So, the first step I made to better myself for myself was opening up my Bible. I needed guidance. I needed comfort. I needed someone to tell me it was all going to be OK. I needed God to pull me in close and show me the way to go.

And guess what people, God did just that. It didn't happen right then and there. It took me diggingdeeper into who He is in order to find out who I am. I'm 24 years old and you'd think I'd know who I am by now but that is not and was not the case. I am still learning daily the kind of person I am because I continually dig deeper in the kind of person God is.

Being single is a gift. It's a season in your life where God is asking you to find yourself! Find out what you like, find out what you don't like, find out who you want to be, find new friends, find new adventures, find out what you want in your future spouse, find freaking happiness you guys! If you aren't happy with your life and who you are then go find what does make you happy and the person you want to be.

God should be in the center of your relationships.

I will be honest, God was not in the center of my relationship with my baby daddy because our relationship started wayyyyy before I knew who I was and to transition from being self-centered to God-centered was impossible for us. And that is totally O.K. It's okay that he wasn't my forever. I cherish that I gained a life-long friend instead of dwelling in the fact that we didn't work out.

Being single can be lonely. There's no doubt about it. Sometimes I get this uneasy feeling that I neeeeeed someone but then God pulls me back down to reality. It's not a need, it's a want. I don't need someone to tell me they love me, God does that for me. I don't need someone to wrap their arms around me during tough times, God does that for me. I don't need someone beside me to feel safe, God is that for me. Jesus is who I need, a boyfriend is what I want.

I don't sit at home alone at night and crave that relationship I don't have because I know that relationship is coming one day. It's coming in God's timing, not mine. He has that perfect person for me and I am honestly so excited to meet him. But for now, I am happy with focusing on building my relationship with God, so that when that person does com into my life, I will be more than ready.

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