How I survived 9 months of pregnancy.

Let’s talk about the most miserable months of my 24 years of living. Dramatic, but let’s just get right into it.

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It all started the day I found out I was pregnant. What a beautiful, amazing gift I had been given but at the time I honestly thought… “how can I live to see another day” (literally rolling my eyes right now because I was being the most dramatic person on this planet). Right after I saw those two little lines pop-up on that stick, I immediately called my boyfriend, hyperventilating, demanding him to bring 10 more pregnancy tests over because I just KNEW I purchased a defective one. 10 pregnancy test later and there we were… laying on my couch trying to figure out what in the hell we were going to do. I knew an abortion was out of the question so there was no doubt on whether we would have a baby in short 9 months or not. That baby was coming and we needed to figure. it. out.

So how did our parents handle it? ... very differently but in the end, the same. His parents were incredibly supportive and after some time, my parents were too but I was not on the same bandwagon as everyone else. I was being pulled in 100 different directions. Our parents were on two totally opposite ends of the spectrum when it came to the next steps in our future. His parents wanted us to keep dating, not move in together and to not rush anything. My parents, on the other hand, were pushing marriage and starting a life together because we were “stuck” whether we liked it or not. All these opinions and advice, on top of just finding out my whole world was about to be rocked, threw me in a state of depression. I fully believe the depression was triggered by not knowing what my future held and also not knowing what I even wanted my future to look like. I am a p l a n n e r. Like everything better go as planned because if it doesn't, it will burn down and I will cry. So, you can imagine how well I was taking this wrench that was thrown into my "perfectly" planned life.

I lost my “dream” job just two weeks in because I was pregnant (don't even get me started on that one), I also opted out of my apartment lease because I thought my boyfriend and I would move in together ... I was sadly mistaking. I had to move back in with my parents - jobless, broke, f a t and hormonal. My parents were super stoked. There were days where I physically could not get myself out of bed. I couldn’t feed myself. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t even move. I thought that if I didn’t come out of my room, I wouldn’t have to deal with the BS problems that waited for me outside my door. I was fighting with my boyfriend every day because I was SO angry with him for kicking me out before I even moved in. He wanted to have a “long distance relationship” ...like GET REAL. I was pregnant and miserable, let’s just toss in trying to figure out a failing relationship. We even tried couples counseling for a while but in the end, we just couldn’t make it work. I mean if I haven’t got my point across… I WAS MISERABLE.

But there was light at the end of the tunnel! Don’t worry, this blog post isn’t all depressing…

Let's talk about pregnancy.

Go here to find out who did my maternity shoot! http://www.ellemichellephotography.com/motherhood

Pregnancy is a beautiful thing but then again, it really isn’t. I was the person that swore I’d never have kids because I couldn’t fathom being pregnant. I was a health freak and was terrified of “ruining” my body. I mean haven’t you heard the horror stories? Stretch marks, saggy boobs, 10 pound babies, contractions, ripping your downstairs… who freaking wants any of that? Not me. But God laughed in my face. My pregnancy actually wasn't all bad. I craved cheerios and peanut butter & jelly sandwiches. I only hated my life the first trimester and then again the last month. I literally was in labor the whole last 4 weeks, I swear.

Those 9 months were life changing. When I finally got over that I was, in fact, pregnant, I was able to enjoy my time moving back home and being around people that were going to help me raise Parker. I was also so amazed at how one person could grow another human being inside their body. That baby’s life depended on me and on me alone. I’ve always believed in God but during that pregnancy, my faith was tested and my perspective on women and babies and life took a total 180.

The day I saw my daughter’s face was honestly life changing. I know, I know, everyone says that but you really have no idea the kind of emotions that are hiding deep inside you until you give life to another human. After, 9 excruciating months and 5 quick hours of labor, I gave birth to one amazing baby girl, Parker Avery.

No one has actually seen this picture so feel special that I decided to share it with you!

Now, she’s 9 months old and seriously the light of my life. She brought me out of the darkest days I have ever experienced. She 100% turned my focus on getting to know God, not just know of Him. I wasn’t (and still not) sure how I want to raise this baby but what I do know is God will not steer me wrong. He will guide me in EVERY decision I have to make throughout mine and Parker’s lives. We are put on this earth to love and to love deeply and even though the process may sometimes be painful, God does what He does because He loves you and knows what is best for you. In my experience, God’s plan was SO MUCH greater than my own and I am so blessed to be where I am today… sitting on my living room floor at 9:30pm with a glass of wine, my bible open, and Parker Avery sound asleep in her crib. This is my ME time and I wouldn’t trade this life for anything.

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